This editorial is meant to open your eyes to the possibility that despite being good friends with someone, you might not want to embark on a long trip with them. Take this as the “you’ve been warned” note. Back in 2016, I had just been laid off from my job unexpectedly. At 26 years of age with no real direction in life, things were complicated — to say the least. At the same time, my best friend from college was “studying” for the Bar exam. This was March of 2016, and he had a few months (July) until taking the test.
I use the word “studying” in quotes because he planned to take a backpacking trip around Europe to visit friends in the lead up to his exam. The trip was open-ended, and he was going to wing it. Once I was laid off, he suggested that I come with him. By that point, I had not been to Europe. By that point, I had only been outside of the United States to two other countries (Brazil and Canada).
Always having the desire to go to Europe, I decided to go with him. I was very excited, but also nervous at the same time. I had never taken a big trip without a return date, and being in a completely foreign environment tends to bring out the neurotic nature in me. Having distant relatives in Sweden, we began the trip by taking a one-way flight to snowy Stockholm. We stayed at my family’s apartment for four days before then deciding to fly to Berlin. This is where things got a bit hairy. I wanted to take a direct flight to Berlin — whereas my friend wanted a journey that included a 7-hour layover in Helsinki.
The thought process is that we’d be able to see another city/country en route to our next destination, and one which we’d in all likelihood never travel to again. I acquiesced and agreed with the decision. We had a good time during the day in frigid Helsinki. It was then time to take the metro back from the city center to the airport (which was roughly 30 minutes). I had read the directions one way, though my friend insisted on going the other direction. Lo and behold, after 30+ minutes on the train, my friend came to realize that I was indeed correct and that he had taken us the wrong way. Needless to say, we got to the airport and were running through the terminal with our suitcases. We got to the gate with our plane sitting there, though it had closed and we were not allowed on.
We had just missed the flight and now we’re stuck in Finland without any hotel lodgings or a flight anywhere else. This is where the anxiety and stress ramped up. Coming from a Sicilian family, my mother would rather get to the gate three hours before just to sit there stress-free. There’s nothing worse than running to catch a flight, and I had already endured something I detested. However, I kept my cool. We eventually made it back into the city center, booked a room at an old Soviet hostel, and left the following morning on a flight to Copenhagen. As a more plan-first person, flying by the seat of our proverbial pants was probably a good thing…to an extent. It allowed me to go with the flow, which generally was a positive experience. Starting in Copenhagen, we then made our way (in succession) to Amsterdam, Paris, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Bratislava, and Budapest.
There were times when I wanted to sleep in and have some rough semblance of a plan. My friend wanted to go on three-hour walking tours every single day and preferred to walk aimlessly around these cities without any real plan. We could’ve been better at communicating and finding some sort of happy medium. Granted, my communication skills were not what they are now nearly 10 years later. Still, I felt disrespected when told to literally “come” like a dog when I had stopped to look at something, or simply wanted a quick break. While in Budapest, my friend wanted to continue in cheaper countries. I had never been to the UK before and wanted to desperately see London. Calling another good friend from back home, I had convinced him to make the trek over from LA to the UK. Tensions were building with me and my traveler friend, and we desperately needed some sort of buffer.
As my traveler friend continued to Salzburg, I left and met my other friend in London. We went to London for a few days before heading to Dublin. This was where my traveler friend was going to eventually re-meet up with us. The communication between ourselves and my other friend in Austria was not great. We knew when he was coming into town, but had no idea as to the exact time. We weren’t going to sit around at our Airbnb waiting for him all day, so we went out into the town and explored. This included watching a fun Champions League soccer match at a local bar, eating dinner, and walking around downtown Dublin. As we checked our WhatsApp for messages, we hadn’t received anything. Maybe our friend extended his trip? Or, take a later flight into town?
At roughly 1 a.m., we had finally gotten a message from him. He made his way to our Airbnb apartment building. His phone had died on the way to Ireland, and he had no way of contacting us. After waiting hours in front of the building, a neighbor allowed him to come in and charge his phone. Upon getting back to the Airbnb, we were greeted with questioning and yelling. “Why weren’t you here when I got here?” “I was stranded for hours!” Suddenly, the residual stress and resentment from the weeks prior had built to a fever pitch. We both started animatedly going at one another. I ended up sleeping on a couch in the living room, and my two other friends shared a bed in the only bedroom. From that point on in the trip — which extended to Edinburgh and London again — there was a noticeable change in the energy of the group.
Things weren’t as comfortable and fun as they were before the trip started. They were tense. It finally reached the ultimate breaking point for me when we took an overnight trip to the city of Galway in Ireland. After seeing the famed Cliffs of Moher, we were going to take the train back to Dublin before staying one night and flying to London the following morning. Well, this same friend failed to book us any sort of lodging by the time we got back to Dublin. It was approximately 9 p.m., and we were without any place to stay. The thought of bar hopping with our luggage seemed miserable, and to make matters worse the flight the following morning was at 6 a.m. After a very bizarre meal at a seedy McDonald’s, we took the bus to the airport.
Trying to get some semblance of sleep, we were forced to ‘nap’ under tables and on top of chairs while a rowdy and highly intoxicated bachelor party was playing pool a few feet from us. Needless to say, we didn’t sleep a wink. Once getting to London, our friend YET AGAIN led us the wrong way on a train despite us asking the conductor for proper directions. As my friend continued on his trip solo, me and my other friend flew back to Los Angeles two days later. At the beginning of this trip, I was quite excited to embark on this once-in-a-lifetime trip with one of my best friends. It ended up being a life-changing experience, and I’m very grateful for doing it.
At the same time, our friendship never recovered. Though we are cordial today, we don’t speak to one another very often and haven’t seen each other in years. Long story short…know who you are traveling with before deciding to take a long journey somewhere. People travel differently, and there’s a possibility you might not mesh with that person’s preferred style of traveling despite being good friends with them. Take a shorter, more manageable trip to see if you are compatible with that person before committing to something more lengthy in nature. It may be the difference between strengthening the bond you have with someone or fraying it altogether.
